I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
