Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
