dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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