my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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