I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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