...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
