Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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