Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Rumble strips road head = magical
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
