i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
