Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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