Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize