is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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