Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
