If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
