New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
