there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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