I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
