Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
