Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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