hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was CRYING into my vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
