I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
