We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
