how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
