Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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