i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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