She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
