He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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