He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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