$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
