yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize