btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
