Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
