What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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