So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
