This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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