Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
