Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
