I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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