She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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