there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
