Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize