Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He better not be in your backpack
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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