Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
