The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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