Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
