also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
