i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
