peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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