I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
