He is an equal opportunity slut.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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