Fine. I'll sleep in my office
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
