this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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