I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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