I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
