if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Boobs are out for the taking
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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