Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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