Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
