Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
