Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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