Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
