its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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