her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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