It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
