my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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