They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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