Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
