My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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