I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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