I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
