can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
