well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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