I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
