Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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