why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
